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[fantod]

TEXT | AUDIO | VIDEO | ACTION

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[mostlyajerk]

Please tell me that you just have a particarly tasteless personal assistant...

2/?

[mostlyajerk]

Or a very disorganised one.

[mostlyajerk]

Because.

A MOTHER'S DAY CARD?!

Fuck you.

[fantod]

Sorry, mom. That's my bad.

They got my requests crossed. You know how it goes.

Don't be so worked up.

[mostlyajerk]

You are grounded.

[fantod]

but i remembered it was an occasion :(

that's mean, i was so thoughtful

[mostlyajerk]

I honestly don't believe you've ever been thoughtful. Not a day in your life.

[fantod]

Well today and I stopped and thought:

'Gee, Hartley has a stick up his ass. He really needs it removing.'

I would call that thoughtful.

[mostlyajerk]

Thanks for thinking of my ass.

Now you can stop.

[fantod]

Well, now it's in both of our minds...

I blame you.

Do you do any exercise to make it that popping or is it genetics?

[mostlyajerk]

Yoga. Pilates.

Doubt it's genetic, you've met my parents.

Maybe it's the gay gene.

[fantod]

Your dad has his own unique charm... or maybe that's just my daddy issues talking.

You must be so flexible.

I'm as flexible as iron.

[mostlyajerk]

Ugh, don't talk about my father that way. Or ever.

I am flexible, freaked my co-worker out with it the other day.

Iron, huh? That's not the material I'd have chosen.

[fantod]

Can you suck yourself off?

Oooh, that's a fun game. You're right, iron is too strong.

What material am I most like? You have a minute to decide. GO

[mostlyajerk]

Gentlemen don't stretch and tell.

Sodium hydroxide.

Easy.

[fantod]

Because of how irritating I am?

Cute.

idk about these sorts of things, I flunked science, but I do know that you're definitely some kind of acid.

[mostlyajerk]

You like being irritating. I guess everyone needs a hobby.

I'd choose mercury.

[fantod]

I don't have much else going on, pissing people off fields me.

Well, you are toxic but I don't think you're as poisonous as you wish you were.

[mostlyajerk]

You are not even pissing me off today. Other people are.

Maybe I've just never wanted to poison you.

[fantod]

Let me guess - it's work, right? So one of your team is the cause. Shame, I always love when it's me <3

I find it hard to believe you've never tried. I dunno. Seems fake.

[mostlyajerk]

Darling, you are just not that important to me.

But, yes, I have to edit someone's work to make it publishable...

'Electrons in an atom occupy quantised energy levels. Then they just kinda sorta get more energy, like when you drink three Red Bulls in a go and are just all: GO!!!, and that excites the electrons WHEEEEE! 🤪😁🤩 to a much more dope energy level, yo. These excited states are short-lived awwww 😥😕 and THEN THEY JUST KINDA GO AWAY?!?! by letting out that rad electromagnetic radiation in the visible or ultraviolet (more like ultracool, amirite?!?!) region. omg that should be the names of the new pokemon gen, just, like 'ultraviolet' and maybe... dopegreen... gotta workshop that one but the legendary should have electromagnetic radiation power'

[fantod]

I AM HURT. Hate me more, you coward.

I like it, you know. I think it's the first time I actually understood something. Maybe all you nerds should write with emojis and redbull metaphors.

[mostlyajerk]

Eh. You are too pathetic, stickman.

Sure. And maybe we should all just have the most fun attitude, so no work ever actually gets done.

Ugh. You would like him.

[fantod]

I have more power than you'd think, princess. Don't underestimate me.

Maybe no one likes you cause you're anti fun.

Do you ever just enjoy yourself? EVER?

[mostlyajerk]

Princess? Seriously?

Yes, I enjoy myself sometimes. But work is not about fun.

Although I actually do enjoy my work, so I don't know. I just get enjoyment out of different things.

Less nacho parties near sensitive equipment.